Recently I had the pleasure of doing a little mini session at home with one of my favorite clients – Jacq Gould (who is the owner of Your Inner Babe, and a treasure to women everywhere). I came over on Valentine’s Day and we did photos of her and her daughter Monrow playing with make up. Though it was a very quick shoot, and it took place in but a small corner of their bathroom, it brought up so many feelings for me.

This sounds silly to say, but my own bathroom at home has become a very special place for me.

It has become my sanctuary. A place to pay homage to the temple of Me and my body.

This all started about 9 months ago when, actually Jacq, sent me a text saying “I don’t know why, but I feel like I want to gift you a spot at this upcoming workshop I’m hosting. If you’re interested, let me know.”

I’m not overly spiritual or religious or into the mystical but I absolutely believe that there is something we don’t understand about how we are all connected. I’m not sure who is sending the signals or gifts but I definitely ascribe to the belief that what is meant for us, comes to us. So without thinking too hard about it, I said sure! Why not?

And when I say I had absolutely no idea what to expect, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. When I showed up, it was at her parents’ beautiful house in Glenview. We all gathered in the backyard and laid out on the ground while we were guided through hollotropic breathing exercises (basically, where you breathe in and out deeply and then hold your breath for an extended period of time, alternating with slower, more intentional breathing exercises). When we were done, we sat down together in a circle with our journals and were instructed to write about watching a past version of ourself on a projector screen. What would we tell her? What did we see/feel?

As I’m typing this is actually the first time I’m revisiting what I wrote and I’d like to share that with you here…

“June 24, 2023.

Visualizing my younger self, I stepped into the projector screen and I gave her a hug. That’s really all I needed growing up was someone who loved me in a healthy way, supported me unconditionally, and believed in my unlimited potential. I suppose that’s a good step next in my life is knowing that I can be that for myself. And maybe I can ask myself, when I feel stuck or unsure, how can I be those things to myself in this moment? Are the decisions I’m making reflecting of those things? (loving, and supporting myself). ”

At that workshop, I had a deep realization that I needed to give up every distraction in my life so that I could finally deal with all the areas of pain I was avoiding. By staying up late at night watching tv instead of going to bed early (telling myself I needed to do that to feel better because I was so tired from the kids). By numbing out with cannabis at night to ‘relax’ even though it was leaving me exhausted the next morning. By eating bad foods and drinking too much coffee and being on my phone too much. When I left that workshop, I felt a powerful desire and knowing of what I needed to do. And so from there, I completely gave up every distraction in my life – I gave up coffee, sugar, cannabis, and started eating only whole foods (proteins, fruits and vegetables). I gave up tv and started reading at night and going to bed earlier. I started working out.

And my bathroom became the place that I would find safety in. I would get out of the shower and with intention and love, rub creams and lotions all over my face and body. I would put on my music and dance naked and high five myself in the mirror. I would sometimes cry and wrap my arms around my body and speak to myself in the mirror the words I would give a friend if I saw her crying there in front of me. I sometimes felt like a crazy person for how much I talked to myself to be honest… lol BUT, slowly but surely I started to gain an insane amount of clarity. And love for myself. I have since had some of my hardest, saddest moments. And I’ve had some of my best, most pleasurable ones.

I am currently still on this journey but I will tell you, learning how to let my body feel pleasure, how to be my own safety and unconditional support, how to calm my nervous system (which, is a whole other critical blog post topic for us parents… the importance of soothing the nervous system after years of parental overstimulation)…

This journey of learning to love my Self, it has been one of my favorite ones yet.

So, even though Jacq and Monrow and I only spent maybe 15 minutes taking pictures in their beautiful bathroom, putting creams on and playing with make up. It felt like such a special full circle moment from the time I received that text from her 9 months ago.