I hate writing this.. I feel like it’s one more thing that makes Bentley being gone all the more real. Sitting here at my desk or being out at work I often find myself in a sweet place of denial. That maybe he’s just sleeping upstairs with Lucky, or at home waiting for me when I return.. but he’s not. He’s gone and he’s never coming back..

So I guess the only reason I’m even putting this together is because I wanted to put down in one place some of my favorite memories of Bentley for myself to come back to. That of all the years of joy and unconditional love he gave me for the last 8 years he deserves everything and anything I can do in his honor. For my entire adult life, before Basil or Vasili, it was always just me, Bentley & Lucky. Even for a few months before Lucky came along it was just Bentley and I. In that time when it was just the two of us I literally brought him everywhere with me.. he would sleep in my purse while I listened to lectures in Damen Hall, or tag along while shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue  (and by shopping I mean looking through all the things I dreamt of buying, and our routine visits to the ladies at the La Mer counter – they loved him!).

Even in just 8 years my life became so rich with memories of our time together…

His breath was SO terrible. And as gross as it sounds Bentley loved licking everything, especially Vasili and I. We usually shooed him away but sometimes I’d cave and hold him right up to my face and say to him Okay fine, you get 10 seconds.. just because I knew it made him so happy. I’d shut my mouth as tight as I could and let him go bananas licking my face, though after about 5 or so seconds I’d pull him away and say Okay okay, I can’t take it anymore you smell so baaaad! and give him a few of my own kisses to make up for cutting his unadulterated licking time short.

In our old loft apartment in Pilsen there wasn’t much of a neighborhood to go walking in, but we were right across the street from a big park that was always empty. Except of course on days when it had just rained in the morning or the night before and the park was filled with hundreds of geese or seagulls. Lucky & Bentley LOVED chasing birds so on those days when the park was filled with em’ we’d walk over and stand together about a hundred feet away or so.. I’d crouch down and whisper all right guys, this is it.. we’ve hit the jack pot of birds.. on the count of three let’s get em’ okay? One… two… THREEEEE!!! We’d run together as fast as we could after them.. what I would have given to have a picture of us running through all those birds as they flew away from us.. lol

Bentley also loved to lay in our bed. That was probably his favorite place on Earth, snuggled in bed with us. So every now and again I would take the day off so I could lay in bed with him, Lucky & Basil to snuggle and watch movies all day.

When I had this genius idea to get baby ducklings, we would sometimes take them for walks through the park with us and the dogs.. Those were some pretty chaotic days, when our little one-room loft was packed with two adults, two dogs, a cat and three baby ducks..

I loved how his fur was colored brown right above his eyes in the perfect shape of ‘eyebrows.’ They gave him so much personality as he used to furrow them or put one up and one down.. he was filled with so much personality for such a tiny little dog. Out of Lucky, him and Basil, Bentley was the one who had the strongest desire to have a connection with us if that makes sense.. He was the one who would lick my tears away, he always wanted to be sleeping on my lap while I worked, and when you came home from being gone all day he was the one standing right there at the door wiggling his butt the most out of excitement to see you..

Often I would be upstairs and hear Bentley crying out for me from in my office.  I’d stand at the top of the stairs and yell out “Bentleeeyyyyy. Bentleeeeeyyyy!” He’d poke his little head out from behind the office door and then run back in there and cry again. That funny little guy, I figured out eventually he was just trying to call me downstairs for ‘alone time’ in my office (the poor guy didn’t get all that one-on-one time with me once Lucky, Basil and Vasili came along). So our routine became that I would go follow his cries downstairs and he’d be waiting for me with his front paws stretched downwards and his little butt wiggling in the air.  I’d greet him back with an overly enthusiastic smile and jazz hands, I’d crouch down on the floor with him and he’d run around in circles around me wagging his tail.. it always ended with me scooping him up and kissing him as I brought him back upstairs to be with everyone else.

This officially makes me a crazy animal lady, but I swear they loved when I sang to them. And they wagged their tails the hardest when I sang that Skiddamarinky-Dinky-Dink song lol Literally just a few nights before Bentley passed away I was up late as hell working and at about 3 am I found my mojo really waning.. I only had a little bit more to finish so I said Okay boys – 5 minute dance party and then let’s get this shit done so we can go to bed!!! (without shame I admittedly talked to them often as if they could talk back). I put on that new Robin Thicke song ‘Blurred Lines’ and picked each of my three fur babies up and danced with them around my office for a minute or so and sang to each of them.. *sigh* so funny how in a moment like that you have no idea how much your life might be different a week from then..

Scuse’ my language but fuck I miss him so badly..

above: so grateful to my friend David Wittig for taking this of Bentley..

above: so grateful to my friend Yan (Diana Palmer of YanPhotography) for taking this of Bentley..

above: so grateful to my friend Yan (Diana Palmer of YanPhotography) for taking this of Bentley..

above: so grateful to my friend David Wittig for taking these of Bentley..

above: a few days after Bentley passed away I cried thinking I hadn’t taken any images of him as a puppy.. and then while rummaging through all of my old photographs of him, lo-and-behold I came across this one which I took the day I got him. I cried again I was so happy.

above: so grateful to my friend David Wittig for taking this of Bentley..